The top 10

Things I miss about my Daddy at this precise moment. 

1. Greetings. 

We have had so many moments of anticipation. So many times that the tension in the air mounts higher and higher as the clock ticks down the minutes before we come together. I miss that. I wish that was something I even had a clock for right now. At least before this plague I had a when date and a countdown timer in my head. I don't even have that now. 

I miss you on the other side of the door and the deep breaths I would take before knocking. Before being pulled inside. There's a montage of doors and you in my mind replaying all the moments I arrived to you. To home.  

2. Kisses. 

Your lips are soft. That I remember. And your beard tickles. And your tongue is always happy to find mine. And when you kiss me it's as though you're saying the million things I want to hear without actually saying anything at all. Also, you always taste good. Like fruit. Like sugar. Kissing you is like falling down the rabbit hole. Every time. Like watching one of my trance spirals. What I wouldnt give to get lost in you right now. 

3. Talking. 

There are a few conversations that come to mind that really elicit a showcase of the kind of talking I mean to put your mind on. The most recent was when we ordered a late night feast in Mexico. Also when we drove to the beach and walked on it in Florida. Finally when we walked around the food and wine fest. The funny thing is that it isn't -what- we talked about that I loved it was the way the world quietly fell into the background. It was the life that was going on all around us while we were in a world of our own. I want to create that with you again. 

4. Sex

Surprised I put it as number four? I kind of am. Especially because I miss sex with you constantly. Sex with you? Yes, please. God what I wouldn't give to be in a bed with you. No clothing. Or clothing we're taking off. To be on my knees with you in my mouth. Or to be on my back with you on top of me between my legs. Softly fucking me and choking me so that all I feel and all I breathe is under your control. I'd give my soul for that if the devil asked to trade right now. 

5. Surprises. 

From ducks on the counter to mysterious rooftop meals and plays. To presents presented daily. Rollercoasters and late night movies. Every day with you holds a surprise. And the lifeline between us at this moment is in part the gifts that keep coming. Thank you for those pieces of your heart. They're like food sent to me in the arena of life. 

6. Mean Daddy. 

Yes. Mean Daddy. Even though he is SO mean. He never stops when I say stop. He laughs at me. He MOCKS me and my pain. He even pisses on me. I miss him. Tell him for me? No wait. Don't. It will only go to his stupid head. Urgh. 

7. Trance states. 

I am tired. All the thinking and adulting. All the crying and the stressing. And no one here to take it away. You can do it with a word and a snap. I long to live in a world where the cotton candy fog creeps in and over my brain. Where sit stand kneel eat swallow cum suck are the only directions I have to follow. I miss the different parts of my personality that are locked away. You have the only key to those parts of me and I miss them. 

8. Showers.

That warm quiet place at night time when I'm in your arms and the water is running over us. Skin on skin in the dark. Or even the light. Soap. Silky skin. The warm water running down between my legs. 

9. Bedtime stories. 

You do all the voices. And there's always a variety. And I'm always safe to listen to them and doze. Or listen to them and suck on you softly. Little space before bed is the best way to fall asleep. 

10. Your face. 

Really your animation. Your presence. Maybe it's a cop out way to just chalk it up to saying I miss you. The you that laughs and talks with passion and smiles at me and says "okay kitten, here's the plan." I miss not knowing what's coming next from having you around me. I miss looking at you when you're not looking. I miss you. 

I miss you.